When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize