Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
