i jhust puked up my retainher.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
