What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
