I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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