I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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