I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
