There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We had to coat check the pizza.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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