I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
