this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
