I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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