I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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