Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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