I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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