absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
