I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dear god my vagina.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
