She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
