the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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