I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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