there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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