Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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