From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
