I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
