Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
