Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
