Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
