Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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