im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
