So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
