They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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