He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
