I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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