We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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