Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
