Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
