Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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