our cab driver is having phone sex.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
