he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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