just come out here and I will go home with you...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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