oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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