Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
