I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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