Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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