Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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