if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
