you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
