i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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