That's intense
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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