We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
