She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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