Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
