if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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