Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
