dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
