I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
