I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
