You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
