I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
