so let's talk penis.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
