He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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