I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
