when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
