Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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