we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
birth control should be required to get into college
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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