drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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